• IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our "Easy Sky Diving" book, please make the following correction on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."
• We apologize to Hertburn Frye, who has joined the staff of McDonalds as an "executive consultant", not as an "expensive consultant" as previously reported.
• Last week's announcements indicated that Ed Rumson hosted a "crap shooting" party. It should have been a "trap shooting" party.
• Our article about Jewish burial customs had an error: Mourner's clothing is "rent" that is torn, not "rented" as was previously reported.
• Our previous article about the Deep Realization Professional Development program should have said it is an "experiential program", not an "experimental program", and the program includes "meditation", not "medication."
• The spokesman for the Alamo Club was quoted as saying, "We're not AA. We are a social outlet where people can come, have coffee, shoot people, and visit with friends." The quote should have read, "... where people can come, have coffee, and shoot pool."
• A photo caption in Wednesday's paper identified Roland Langford of Hampton as Chairman of the "Collusion for Justice." There is no such organization. Langford is Chairman of the "Coalition for Justice"

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Driving recommendations for Senior Citizens: Installing special side mirrors will extend your view if you have problems turning your head 360 degrees.

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• Why it is considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
• Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
• Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
• Why pilots don't take crash-courses?
• Why they call it "chili" if it's hot?
• Why they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering?
• Why they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
• Why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
• How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
• What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

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Give God what's right, not what's left!

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This would also solve the problem of accusations about profiling. There would be no need for profiling and the device would eliminate long and expensive trials.

Imagine you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly afterward an announcement comes over the PA system,
"Attention standby passengers, an additional seat is now available on flight number..."

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• Winners at the card party were Marvalene Proctor, a turkey, and Minnie Payne, a chicken.
• Ancestors of Andrew Jackson will hold their biennial reunion in Nashville this weekend.
• Some 40% of female gas station employees in Metro Detroit are women, up from almost 9% a year ago.
• Ida Bell, 43, of Salem, suffered minor injury after a car she was riding in struck a cow. The car had to be destroyed by its owner.
• An anonymous female caller reported that a parked car had earlier passed her going 100 mile per hour.
• Mr. and Mrs. Axel Nazelrod announce the betrayal of their daughter Pearl to Sergeant Rollin Painter.
• A bathroom shower was given the bride.
• A twister roared through the area today, leaving 3 people dead and counting.
• Laguna Beach City council runs out of time to discuss shorter meetings.
• A horse was believed to be dead on a Cadiz property, but when checked by an animal welfare representative, was determined to be sunbathing.
• A River Street resident told police his skateboard was stolen while he was robbing Santoro's Market on Washington Street.
• Ohioans cautioned against using toilet bowl cleaner on their hair
• Forecasters call for Weather on Monday
• Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.

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Newspaper Story: With temperatures at 15 degrees Celsius It was feared that people could not be stupid enough to attend these winter games in such bitter cold. But once again Calgarians have proven the experts wrong.

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• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.
• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when I struck my front end.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck a pedestrian.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
• I had been driving for about 40 years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• The other man changed his mind, and I had to run into him.
• The accident was entirely due to the road bending.
• My car was legally parked as I backed into the other vehicle.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

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God Should be Our Steering Wheel Not Our Spare Tire.

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