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Just for Fun
Issue 26-2-2011
IN GOD WE TRUST: All others we virus scan!.
Bungled Newspaper Statements
- Fireworks show to be aired on radio.
- Dogs and Cats on Menu at Shelter Adoption Luau.
- The dead man was described as white, aged between 30 or 40, with an Irish accent.
- He was advised to force fluids through his interpreter
- He killed the man with his bear hands.
- Susan Wadsworth requested that she be cremated before her death.
- Defendant was charged with carless driving.
- She drives a turk for a construction company.
- Senators are chosen as committee chairmen on the basis of senility.
- The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
- The patient walks six blocks now. The doctor told him it may take a year to come back.
- I wish to thank all who so kindly assisted in my husband's death.
- On Thanksgiving morning we could smell the foul cooking.
- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
- Family Catches Fire Just in Time, Chief Says
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If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
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Church Bulletin Flubs
- Please put your donation along with any suggestions in the correction basket.
- Our guest speaker tonight is a prison minister who will talk about Christian Felonship.
- The visiting monster today is Reverend Matthew Price.
- Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the volunteer sheep.
- Be considerate - think for others.
- Today's Sermon - "Loving One Another: Excepting those of other Cultures."
- Kathy and Everett request your presents at their wedding.
- For Father's Day each father present was given a pine tree seedling to be planted along with his children.
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Did you ever notice:
When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together
it spells "THEIRS"?
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On a Newark, New Jersey, government building: The State of New Jersey has moved four blocks west.
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Mangled Newspaper Headlines
- Astronauts Practice Landing on Laptops
- Preventive Health Service For Women Being Cut In Half
- Two Cars Collide One Sent To Hospital
- Collegians Are Turning To Vegetables
- Man Killed Over Phone
- FBI Agent Shoots Man With Knife
- Town To Drop School Bus When Overpass Is Ready
- Woman Fatally Mauled Assigned Indoor Job
- Study Says Snoring Drivers Have More Accidents
- Sunday - Pianist to Present Concert of Scared Music
- Oil Barge Breaks Off Texas
- Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder
- Jury Hung After Trial
- Commuter Tax on New Yorkers Killed in New Jersey
- The United Way is Sponsoring a Child Choking Training Program
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No God, No Peace, Know God, Know Peace
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Cracked Classifieds
- Special-New York Facial Pee only $55
- AKC Miniature Dachshund puppies w/pet-agree papers
- Wanted: Emotionally Handicapped Teacher
- Wanted: A steady young woman to wash, iron, and milk two cows
- Home Baked Pies Made From Scotch Daily.
- For your shopping convenience we will be closed Christmas Day.
- Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
- For Sale: String of perils, 30 years old, with box.
- Antique Tables Made Daily
- Dog Shampoo- "Cruelty free shampoo - not tested on animals."
- Four Seasons Contracting-"Specializing in Roofing, Siding, Roofovers, and Ripoffs."
- Carwash coupon: "Absolutely nothing touches your car except soup and water."
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Man's way leads to a hopeless end - God's way leads to an endless hope.
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Copyright ©: 2011 Cindy Carman. All rights reserved.
No reproduction of this article may be used without the express written permission of the author.
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