• The County drained the lake off Taylor Road to fix a nearby dam. County officials are uncertain as to why the fish died.
• Political insiders call them wedge issues - raw, emotional issues like social security for Democrats and capital punishment for Republicans.
• A 14 year Secret Service veteran said the string of incidents had heightened security around the White House. "The White House has always attracted the mentally ill," he said.
• Heartworm is an infectious, life-threatening, cardio-vascular disease spread by misquotes.
• From now on, Police will pick up road-killed animals, not Public Works employees.
• Citizens of Santa Barbara County are faced with a tax hike. Most of the money raised would be used for five foot policemen.
• They gave William a lovely funeral. It took six men to carry the beer.
• The sewer expansion project is nearing completion, but city officials are holding their breath until it is officially finished.
• EMT's were called to last night's playoffs. It was necessary for them to give one of the players artificial perspiration.
• As a result of the explosion a number of area widows were shattered.
• "One in 20 women will be stalking victims at some time in their lives," said the Representative from New York.
• The Baseball Coach asked some of the players over to his house for dinner then barbecued himself.
• Colorado families with more than 5,000 children have sought help finding child care.
• Gardening tip: dig the ground over thoroughly and then pant.
• In Pittsburgh they manufacture iron and steal.
• Many people believed the arrested man was a Satin worshipper.
• The farmers of Bloomington township have called a meeting for March 16 to organize a protective chicken-stealing-association. - Des Moines Register
• Tree down 5:45pm The sheriff's department reported a tree lying unconscious in the road on Carpenterville Road.

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If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.

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A young boy was attending his first wedding. After the Service, he was asked by his friend, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. "How did you figure that out?" the friend asked. "Easy," the young boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, the pastor said: four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer."

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• Our report on Monday said that up to 6 million had died in a gun battle in Sri Lanka. It should have read that up to 6 militants died in a gun battle.
• There was a typo in Avery's law ad. The logo for his company is: "Your case is no stronger than your attorney," not "stranger."
• The article about the Craft Club should have stated that there will be demonstrations given on "smocking and rugs," not "smoking and drugs" as previously reported.
• Due to an error, the Oct 22nd story on the school bond issue read that the School Board President said, "didly squat", when asked to explain consultant recommendations in the bond. The story should have read that we were unable to reach the School Board President for comment. We apologize for the error.
• A 106-year-old Norwegian woman received an offer from local authorities for free bus rides to the school where she is supposed to attend next autumn. Computers in the township read the '97 of her birth year as 1997 instead of 1897, meaning she would be starting the first grade the next autumn. She welcomed the free ride, saying that the last time she started school, she had to walk for an hour every morning.

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The Sunday school teacher explained to her class how Lot's wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. A class member interrupted her and said, "My mommy looked back once while she was driving, and she turned into a telephone pole."

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It pays to remember your social obligations. If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't go to yours.

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• Volunteers Needed: The director of the Christmas pageant is still looking for wise men. No experience necessary.
• Let us give thanks to Mary Larson for donating an organ to our music department.
• The Church Bizarre Sale, will be held June 24
• Congratulations to our good Pastor on being able to get our parish plastered.
• The Elders have decide to purchase a new coping machine for the church.
• The Ladies' Aid Society of the United Church will hold its annual potluck dinner Saturday in the church hall. Dinner will be gin at 5:30 PM
• Thank you for your prayers for John Claymore's foot. After many months of various treatments it's finally gone.
• Anyone who has lost their job recently is invited to attend a special service on Monday evening to join together and pray to a hire power.
• Church deacons are not to passout until the Pastor finishes preaching.
• Glory To God on High and peas to his people on earth.
• Everyone is invited to join Melissa and Brad as they exchange cows in the church courtyard.
• Come to our Prayer Circle tonight. We love hurting people.

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A kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station where they saw pictures of the 10 most wanted criminals, tacked to a bulletin board. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." The youngster then asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

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A burglar who took his dog to a raid on a butchers shop has been caught after the hound refused to leave the scene of the robbery. The dog was so busy eating sliced sausage that the burglar had opened for him that when the police turned up he stayed where he was instead of running for it. A police spokesman in Germany where the raid happened said: "The burglar was standing by the back door whistling and calling the dog but it ignored him and carried on enjoying its meal."

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• Many Who Move to Florida Leave After Death
• Cellular Phones Growing On Farms
• U. S. Ships Head to Somolia
• Dead Coyote Found in Bronx Launches Search for its Mate
• National Hunting Group Targeting Women
• Police Can't Stop Gambling
• Man Arrested for Possession of Heroine
• Crowds Rushing to See Pope Trample 6 to Death
• City Abolishes Reality License
• Cemetery Residents Making a Comeback
• 17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree