• Ancient Blonde Corpses Raise Questions
• Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
• Infertility Unlikely to be Passed On
• Study Says Snoring Drivers Have More Accidents
• Blind Bishop Appointed To See
• Deer and Turkey Hunt for Disabled People
• Judge Not Convinced Murder Victim is Still Alive
• Man Killed Over Phone
• 11 High Students Score Perfect Grade
• Doctor Testifies In Horse Suit
• Dealers Will Hear Car Talk At Noon
• Bonus Permits Enable 809 Hunters to Kill Two Deer
• Airline Travel Safer Despite More Accidents

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A local newspaper quoted a new state representative who supported crime prevention legislation as saying, "We don't want residents to start looking at elected officials and asking why can't we keep these people in jail."

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• It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. It should have read: today is Teacher Appreciation Day.
  
• The financial article in our previous issue mistakenly identified Leonard Cash as a bookmaker. He is a typesetter.
• A printing error in last week's classified ads caused some confusion. The price for the recently modernized semi-detached horse is $53,000.
• Recipe correction: In a recipe for salsa published recently one of the ingredients was mistated, due to an error. The correct ingredient is "2 tsp. of cilantro" instead of "2 tsp of cement"
• The absence of corrections yesterday was due to a technical hitch rather than any sudden onset of accuracy.

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A couple was explaining to their daughter that she had been given the first name of Myles because it was her grandfather's name and that he was a very special loving man and it was tradition to name the first born after the Mother's father.
Myles thoughtfully replied, "You've already explained that to me before. What I want to know is why did my grandfather have a girl's name?"

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• Your attendance is needed at the Council Meeting fight after the church service.
• In November, Mr. Parks passed out and explained the budget for the upcoming year.
• We invite everyone to our church, no matter what their demonination.
• The Church will assist by serving a luncheon for the families of church members who died immediately following the funeral.
• The minister asks that a group be organized to wash the church widows.
• Come join us in our 3rd Annual Goof Outing.
• Child Care provided with reservations.
• Proceeds of the Church Charity Drive will go to disable Veterans.
• Would the congregation please note that the bowl in the back of the church labeled "For the Sick" is for monetary donations only.
• Volunteers are needed to spit up food for distribution following the Restaurant Supply Show at the Expo Center.

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A young wife was called as a possible juror in an accident-injury case. Before choosing the jurors the opposing attorney questioned each for possible bias. He asked her, "Have you ever had any trouble with your neck or your back?"
She replied, "No, I haven't."
The attorney then quickly asked, "How about your husband?"
After a thoughtful pause she replied, "I've never had any trouble with him either."

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People who cannot remember the past will spend a lot of time looking for their cars in the mall parking lot.

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• The patient had no recollection of any memory loss.
• While in the Emergency Room, she was examined , x-rated, and sent home.
• The patient states that diarrhea tends to run in his family.
• I've authorized 2 more trips to the chiropractor to help finish him off.
• The shoulder dislocation was relocated in the emergency room.
• The patient called saying her neck was increasing in size where we took it off.
• Since the patient stopped smoking, his smell is beginning to return.
• The patient was sideswiped by a car riding a motorcycle.
• Both her old and new noses have been placed in our album.
• Three bullets were removed from the patient -- one from each leg.
• For the last 3 weeks his nose has been running pretty much nonstop -- it is running down the back of his throat.

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At the entrance of a Chicago cemetery this sign was posted:
"Owing to employment difficulties, grave digging will be done by a skeleton crew."

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