• Dry Cleaner's: "Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of."
• Dry Cleaner: "We'll clean for you. We'll press for you. We'll even dye for you."
• Elevator Door: "This elevator is out of whack... more whack is on order."
• Gas Station in Santa Fe: "We will not sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
• English Office: "After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board."
• Hotel: "Help! We need Inn-experienced people."
• Furnace Company: "We're proud to be full of hot air."
• Optometrists school: "We care about pupils."
• Barber Shop window: "Beware of falling locks."
• Taxi Cab Company window: "Our goal is to drive away all of our customers."
• Sign in a medical building: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTER
• In the office of a Romanian doctor: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

********************

Announcement - Pencils recalled by educational supplier - Pencils bearing the anti-drug slogan "Too Cool to Do Drugs" are being recalled because it was noticed that after sharpening the pencils they read "Cool to Do Drugs" and then "Do Drugs."

********************

• The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
• Special prayers also for those who are seriously sick by request.
• Hymn Blooper: "All People That on Earth Do well"
• The men's group will hear a car talk at noon.
• There is a sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be baptized on the table in the foyer.
• The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
• Volunteers are needed to spit up food for distribution following the Restaurant Supply Show at the Expo Center.
• Today's Gospel Message: GOSSIP - THE SPEAKING OF EVIL. Opening Song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY

********************

A four-year old who was learning to recite the Lord's Prayer all by herself concluded her recitation with the words, "and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email."

********************

• Victim Found Unconscious by his Bicycle
• Jim Sanders was bitten by a bat Wednesday as he walked down the street on his thumb.
• Judge Orders Shooting Suspect Held Without Bail
• Foul Play Suspected In Death of Man Found Bound and Hanged - Toledo Times
• Driver of Death Car Held on Suspicion of Negligible Homicide - California paper
• No Governor in many years has been able to love on the salary paid him. - Petersburg Virginia paper
• Help Wanted: Certified A.S.A. Slow Pitch Vampires needed
• The Psychology club will meet on Wednesday afternoon at 3 O'clock. The subject for discussion will be "The Use and Application of Powder." - Corsicana, Texas paper
• Unsettled tonight and Thursday, snow probable, not much change in temptation. - Lead, South Dakota paper
• Police reported that the deer was deceased and that, "The name of the deer is not disclosed until family members are notified."
• Man Sues Bride of 4 Mouths - Scranton Paper
• So far, they have determined that the crash occurred when the plane struck the ground.
• Mental Illness Group Offers Free Demonstration
• New Vaccine May Contain Rabbis

********************

A woman, while touring a small South American country, was shown a bullfight.
The guide told her, "This is our number one sport."
The woman said with disgust, "That's revolting."
The guide replied, "No, that's our number two sport."

********************

When you breathe, you inspire. When you don't breathe, you expire.