• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
• Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
• Don't let worry kill you off--let the Church help.
• A cookbook is being compiled by the ladies of the church. Please submit your favorite recipe, along with a short antidote for it.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
• Mr. Bradford was elected and has accepted the office of head deacon. We could not find a better man.
• Our annual church picnic will be held Saturday afternoon. If it rains, it will be held in the morning.
• Scripture: "There is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one singer that repenteth." Beneath it read: Opening Solo, "Forgive Me Oh Lord" sung by Miss M__ L___.
• Don't miss this Saturday's exhibition by the Christian Martian Arts Studio.

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A young preacher who was new to the community was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside service at a small country cemetery. He was advised that no one was expected to be in attendance at the graveside service. The young pastor started early to the cemetery, but soon lost his way.

After making several wrong turns, he finally arrived a half-hour late. The hearse was nowhere in sight, and some workman were relaxing under a nearby tree, eating their lunches. The pastor went to the open grave and it looked like the vault lid was already in place, so he took out his book and read the service.

As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workman say, "Do you think we should tell him that's a septic tank?"

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• Cleft Instone
• Muffin Frizzle
• Mealy Grubb
• Leftwich Letcher
• Fanny Keister
• Plumer Goosetree
• Pearl Nazelrod
• Royal Birth
• Wealthy Miner
• Butts Bacon
• Pleas Halt

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A soft answer may turneth away wrath - but not a telemarketer.

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Mr. Smith: "I'd like to speak to Mr. Jones please."
Receptionist: "I'm sorry, but Mr. Jones is no longer with us. He has gone to the United Kingdom."
Mr. Smith: "I am so sorry. I didn't know. Is it too late to send flowers?"

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• He lost his balance and was thrown to the street. The horse continued its mad dash down Tiogue Street for several hundred years, then stopped of its own accord. -- Providence Journal
• Dr. D__ C__, noted health authority, who was to speak on "How to Keep Well" could not appear because of illness. -- Alameda, California Times Star
• Sportsmen of this state are sharing with conservation leaders in many parts of the country the privilege of helping to save the noted "Anderson Hill Wild Wife Refuge." -- Hutchison Minnesota paper
• Charles R__ suffered several broken and bruised legs last night when a sled on which he was riding struck a tree. -- Troy paper.
• Mother and newborn are getting along nicely and the father is expected to recover within a few weeks. -- Eureka, Utah paper
• All during the testimony he hardly moved in his chair. For most of the time he rested his head on his chin. -- Fort Worth Star-Telegram
• "Mr. and Mrs. R__ left Wednesday for Rochester, Minnesota where Mrs. R__ expects to have a garter removed and lover transplant by the Mayo Brothers. --Fairmont Sentinel.
• He was charged with violation of section 68 of the penal code making it a felony on the part of a public official to ask and receive a bride. -- New York Paper
• The World's champion Eater of Sweet Corn is Edward Kottwitz who ate 37 years at one sitting. --Ortonville, Minnesota

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Three little children were usually able to persuade their Dad to buy them ice cream on Sunday, right after church. One Sunday he protested saying, "Where does it say that you should always get something to eat and drink after church?" His quick-thinking daughter replied, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness."