• FOR TRADE - One good deer rifle for a woman -- Advertisement in Cloverland Michigan paper
• Wanted - Man to lay 600 square foot concrete driveway, Labor only, will swap baby or started chicks -- Tampa Morning Tribune
• Man, Honest, will take anything -- An ad in Jacksonville paper
• Giving Away Dead Batteries Free of Charge.
• Wanted: Human cannonball - must be able to travel.
• City Restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
• Georgia Peaches - California Grown 89 Cents lb.
• Sale or Trade - 1933 Plymounth DeLuxe coupe with heater and radio and 2 fresh cows with valves. -- Youngstown Ohio paper
• Clothing Store Advertisement: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 volunteers to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased persons you want remembered.
• Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
• Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
• A worm welcome to all who have come today.
• Rodney Johnson will sing a tenor solo of "The Ford Is My Light."
• Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
• Family Hay Ride and Bonfire Saturday night. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Everyone come for a fun time.
• The Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary
• Great news! Doctors have performed a CAT scan on Pastor McLaren's head and report that they have found nothing!
• The Scripture reading today is from the Gospel according to Luck.

If you let the cat out of the bag never try to cram it back again; it only makes matters worse.

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3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first man says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great family man." The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a teacher who was a positive influence on his students."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say.........
LOOK! HE'S MOVING!!"

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• Then the officers closed in. Johnson was wounded in one hip. A stray bullet killed one bystander slightly.
• Car leaves Road, Suffers Broken Nose -- Healdsburg, California paper
• Utah Girl Does Well in Dog Shows.
• Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in Ten Years.
• Local Man has Longest Horns in All Texas -- North Fort Worth News
• San Leon Man Quits raising Hogs for Fruit -- Headline in Houston, Texas paper
• Lying Weather Forecast -- Washington Herald
• Columbia, Tennessee which calls itself the largest mule market in the world, recently held a mule parade, headed by the governor. -- New York magazine
• The wedding of Miss___ and Frederick___ will take place next Monday, the mother of the bride to be announced late today. -- Manhattan, Kansas paper
• Grant Dalton lay back in his chair, apparently at ease; Philip standing with one foot on the fender and the other on the mantel looked anything but happy. -- Charlotte, NC Observer
• Before the girls left the White House, Mrs. Roosevelt presented each of them with a little engraved picture of the Execution Mansion to keep as a souvenir. -- Jacksonville, Florida paper
• Adjacent to the library is another completely equipped lovatory. -- Washington Post
• Dr. McW___ has been quite ill, caused by his death. He is away at present to have a little vacation. -- Presque Isel, Maine Star-Herald
• Detached here last summer, Captain____ specialized in the teaching of curses for naval science Juniors. -- Seattle paper

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An Army private was given guard duty at 2 AM. He tried to stay awake, but succumbed to sleep at about 4 AM. When he awoke, his superior officer was standing beside him. The private kept his head bowed just one more moment, then looked up and reverently said, "Amen!"