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Just for Fun
Issue 28-1-2009
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Top Ten Worst Genealogy New Year's Resolutions
- 10. Write a proposal to Congress to set aside March as the "Adopt an Ancestor Month".
- 9. Join the local "Re-cycle the Tombstone Club".
- 8. Finish carving my initials in my mother's tombstone.
- 7. Join a Genealogical Addiction support group.
- 6. Exhume father-in-law for DNA testing project and gold teeth extraction.
- 5. Send to The President my list of recommendations for 2010 Census questions.
- 4. Auction off my genuinely forged copy of Obama's birth certificate.
- 3. Rewrite the series "Lost" such that everyone discovers they are distantly related.
- 2. Recreate an episode of the popular TV Special "Roots" in mime.
- And the number 1 Worst Genealogy New Year's Resolution:
Try to find a nose in my family photos that most closely matches mine after my nose job.
Funny Newspaper Headlines
- Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
- Man Jumps off 2nd Street Bridge; Neither Jumper Nor Body Found
- After Detour To California Shuttle Returns To Earth
- Man Shot, Stabbed; Death by Natural Causes Ruled.
- Local Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
- Fire Officials Grilled Over Kerosene Heaters.
- Ski Area Closed Due to Snow.
- Half of U.S. High Schools Require Study for Graduation.
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Notice sent to Parish Residents: "Due to increasing problems with litter, louts, and vandals, we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order."
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Funny Signs from All Over
- On an Arctic River highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
- At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
- In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
- In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
- At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills."
- At local dairy: "You Can't Beat Our Milk, But You Can Whip Our Cream."
- Motel sign: "Help Wanted! Inn-Experience Required"
Top Ten Reasons to Reject a Non-Accredited Genealogist
- 10. His motto is "I do precision guesswork."
- 9. When asked about his fees he says: "My genealogical advice is free, but the correct ancestor will cost you plenty."
- 8. His sample genealogy charts are written in Soundex Code
- 7. Constantly repeats the phrase, "Everyone is entitled to my opinion."
- 6. He is the President of the local chapter of "Dowsing for the Dead"
- 5. Will be presenting his proprietary list of "Totally Useless Genealogy Websites" at the next UGA Conference
- 4. For previous experience his resume lists "Ancestor Auction Caller"
- 3. He is the proud Author of "How To Become a Genealogical Terrorist and Other Hobbies"
- 2. His solution to a closed library is a little C-4 on the door.
- And the number one Reasons to Reject a Non-Accredited Genealogist:
You'll get arrested when he takes literally your request, "Can you run down the Parker Family?"
Copyright © 2011 Cindy Carman. All rights reserved.
No reproduction of this article may be used without the express written permission of the author.
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