Just for Fun
Issue 10-10-2008
It looked like everything was coming my way!
Then I realized I was in the wrong lane.
Funny Newspaper Ads
- Bloodhound For Sale - Beautiful dog, will eat anything, especially fond of children.
- Special Foul Dinner Tonight only $4.50 per plate.
- We offer such memorable services that those we have served once, return again. -- Pelton Funeral Home
- For Sale - one chaste lounge and other furniture.
- For Sale - Tombstone Slightly Used, will sell cheap.
- Wanted - A mahogany living room table, by lady with Heppelwhite legs.
- COMPARE GROCERY PRICES Easily! READ the FOOL ADS IN THIS NEWSPAPER.
- We have the Best Mustachio Ice Cream in town.
- Work wanted by honest man who will take anything.
Epitaph from Lincoln, Maine
Sacred to the Memory of Jared Bates who died August the 6th, 1800
His Widow, aged 24, lives at 7 Elm Street, has every qualification for a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.
Humorous Exam Answers given by Children
- In many states murderers are put to death by electrolysis.
- Telepathy is a code invented by Morse.
- A Scotland Yard measures two feet and ten inches.
- Cosmic rays are electric treatments to make a woman beautiful.
- Belvedere is the name given to the male deer.
- People living on the equator are called equestrians.
- An executive is the man who puts murderers to death.
- Open shop is a factory with windows and a closed shop is one that has air conditioning.
- An aviary is the place where aviators sleep.
- Autobiography is a history of automobiles.
- When a man is married to one woman it is called monotony.
- When a man has more than one wife he is a pigamist.
**************
At twenty a man thinks he can save the world; at thirty he begins to wish he could save part of his own salary.
**************
A minister had just delivered a sermon on the evils of drinking alcohol. His final remark was, "I hope the time soon will come when all liquor will be poured into the river. Now let us sing hymn number 94."
Laughter erupted in the congregation as they opened their hymn books to number 94 and read the title, "Shall We Gather at the River?"
**************
The Microsoft ad slogan, when translated into Japanese read:
"If you don't know where you want to go, we'll make sure you get taken."
**************
Translated into German the name of the Clairol Mist Stick, a curling iron, became the Manure Stick since mist is slang for manure in German.
Rolls Royce almost made the same mistake when they wanted to name one of their car models the Silver Mist. In German speaking countries this would have translated to, the Rolls Royce Silver Manure.
Funny Newspaper Headlines
- Fried Chicken Cooked In Microwave Wins Trip
- Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
- Man Found Dead In Cemetery
- Properly Drafted Will Reduces Anxiety After Death
- Study Reveals Those Without Insurance Die More Often
- March Planned For Next August
- Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder
- Stiff Opposition Expected To Casketless Funeral Plan
Copyright ©: 2011 Cindy Carman. All rights reserved.
No reproduction of this article may be used without the express written permission of the author.
|
