• Thursday night Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
• Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
• The third verse of "Blessed Assurance" will be sung without musical accomplishment.
• Men's Prayer Breakfast -Wednesday - No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted.
• The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
• Eight new choir robes are needed due to the addition of several new chior members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

**************

On a wall outside of a University Library was a row of hooks with a sign that read, "For Faculty Members Only". The graffiti written below it read, "May also be used for hats and coats."

**************

• CLOTHES BRUSH for sale has a genuine pigskin back which opens with a zipper and inside are tweezers,scissors,nail-file and a bomb.
• He returned to his duties Monday after several weeks absence due to his death.
• If the baby does not thrive on fresh milk, it should be boiled.
• If you use lemon juice, squeeze it from fresh oranges.
• In the kitchen, she put on water for a few sandwiches.
• John Redekop was arrested Saturday by Calgary Police on a charge of drinking while intoxicated.
• Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice.
• Legislators tax brains to cut deficit.
• Lettuce won't turn brown if you put your head in a plastic bag before placing it in the refrigerator.
• The Chief is inclined to believe that a crossed wife might be the cause of the fire.

**************

A group of children played regularly near a suburban church cemetery. As they played they would often hear the ministers conducting graveside services. One day they decided to play funeral and they dug a grave in which they buried a pretend casket. One of the children spoke the prayer over the grave and ended the prayer with what he thought he had heard the minister say: in the name of the Father.. And of the Son... And in the hole he goes!

**************

Neighbors had overheard the arguments of a certain couple for years. Many times late at night they could hear the threats of the man to his wife, "I swear that when I die I will dig my way up out of my grave and haunt you for the rest of your life." The neighbors feared for the wife because the man had often bragged he practiced black magic.
One day the man died unexpectedly and under some very unusual circumstances. A closed casket funeral was held. After the burial, the wife was often seen partying and celebrating the death of her husband with much laughter. The neighbors wondered why she was not afraid and asked her, "Aren't you worried that your husband will do as he threatened and dig his way up out of his grave and haunt you?" The wife just laughed and said, "Let the old fool dig. I had him buried facing down."

**************

• 1. Coors translated its slogan "Turn It Loose" into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from Diarrhea"
• 2. The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish-speaking countries since "No Va" means "It Does Not Go" in Spanish
• 3. When Coca-Cola's name was first introduced to the Chinese market characters sounding like the words Coca-Cola were chosen -- unfortunately the characters selected meant "Bite the Wax Tadpole"
• 4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, They used the same packaging as the US of a cute smiling baby. They decided they had better change that picture when they discovered that since most people don't read in Africa companies generally picture on the label what actually is inside the container.
• 5. Jolly Green Giant translated into Arabic means "intimidating Green Ogre."
• 6. When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word embarazar meant embarrass. So instead the ads ended up saying: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."