• 10. She can touch her toes without bending over, due to overuse of a turbo charged rowing machine.
• 9. She often forgets to take the peel off a banana before eating it.
• 8. Her nose is missing because she took the statement "keep your nose to the grindstone" too literally.
• 7. She is on parole for trying to rob a 7-11 with her Martha Stewart hot glue gun.
• 6. Her motto is "There are two kinds of Pedestrians,... the quick and the dead."
• 5. Her teeth are so yellow that when she smiles cars slow down.
• 4. She often picks arguments with a signpost and loses.
• 3. She is so dumb she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
• 2. She loved genealogy so much she had her wooden leg made with branches.
  And the Number One reason Mother Never Told you about Aunt Nelda
  
• 1. Her immune system was so well developed that it had been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.

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A Bizarre Kentucky Statute says:
"No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses."

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• Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead.
• The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
• If one angle of a triangle is more than 90 degrees the triangle is obscene.
• A triangle inside a circle is called a circumcised triangle.
• Zanzibar is noted for its monkeys. The British Governor lives there.
• The definition of a myth is: A Myth is a female moth.
• Napoleon had three children, not one of whom lived to maternity.
• A horse divided against itself cannot stand.
• Joseph Hayden had a lot of will power; he died in 1809 and is still dead.
• An executive is the man who puts murderers to death.
• One of the most famous fugues was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
• To be a good nurse you must be absolutely sterile.
• The Inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.