• You start checking the county records for your surname spelled backwards in case the recording clerk was dyslexic.
• Your friends are starting to believe the only relatives you know are dead ones.
• Your husband is starting to believe you have a secret attraction to the mailman.
• You actually hope that the old pirate's chest found buried in your backyard contains huge amounts of diaries and pictures.
• You use all of your child's hopscotch chalk on tombstone rubbings and tell her that's what its really for.
• You keep a gas powered weed whacker in your car trunk for emergency graveyard stops.
• You have at least one bed top devoted to the organization of your genealogy paperwork.

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• 10. Everytime he asks you a question you playfully answer, "Guess."
• 9. You gleefully follow every answer you give with, "Just Kidding!"
• 8. When he asks you your name you say, "Simon says, Raise your hand when you ask a question."
• 7. You have your children repeatedly sneak up behind him and pop a paper sack.
• 6. You leave the room and come back with a different dress on and tell him you are a twin.
• 5. When he asks how many are in the household besides yourself you say, "Five counting my imaginary friends."
• 4. Emphatically whisper, "Don't move! My pet tarantula just landed on your shoulder."
• 3. Hysterically question, "If you take my senses will I have any leftover?"
• 2. Insist on writing all of your answers on an Etch-a-Sketch. And the number one Way To Drive the Census Taker Crazy:
• 1. When he asks if your spouse is living you slowly open the lid to your coffin coffee table while humming "Taps."

Grandma Sullivan told me that most of her classmates didn't go beyond the 6th grade in school. Probably because there was 70 fewer years of history to remember.