by Cindy Carman

• You frequently vacation in Salt Lake City and you don't ski.
• You've actually read the lastest GEDCOM standard.
• When someone asks if you like fish you reply "Only if the microfilm reader magnifies it enough".
• Your car bears a bumper sticker that reads "WARNING! I brake for cemeteries".
• At your death your Will demands that your obituary be listed in 55 different newspapers so your descendants will be able to find it.

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• 10. He brings a sample book of Pedigrees for you to pick from.
• 9. He charges you $2500 to photocopy the entire New York City phone Directory.
• 8. He tells you he photocopied the New York City Phone Directory because your surname appeared on every page. Your surname is Page.
• 7. His credentials include a Certificate from the book "Professional Genealogy for Dummies."
• 6. His list of important pedigrees he has researched include "Two Modern Day Monarchs: Burger King and Dairy Queen."
• 5. He lists the proof for your connection to the Royal lines as "Psychic Hotline."
• 4. His motto is "Don't confuse me with the facts."
• 3. He shows you his Accreditation Certificate and you see a Cracker Jack symbol in the corner.
• 2. He promises to prove the burial place of your ancestor only if you furnish the shovel.
  And the number one Sign You've Hired a Bad Professional Genealogist:
• 1. After you've sent your Family History Manuscript to the printer he tells you, "April Fools! I made up the whole thing." (OOPS! Sorry! That's "The Number one Reason to Kill your Professional Genealogist.")