• Your child's last three art projects were tombstone rubbings.
• Your child asks to take a tombstone to school for show and tell.
• Your Doctoral Dissertation is formatted like an Ahnenetafel chart.
• Your cost for copies exceeds the retail value of a small RV.
• Your excuse for dinner being late is that you fainted from loss of blood from too many paper cuts.

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• 10. He couldn't dance and was said to have two left feet, both of which were attached to the same leg.
• 9. He was so clumsy that it was said he was all thumbs and that was only his right hand.
• 8. He had the starring role in the original movie "Wolfman meets Frankenstein" because he didn't need a costume.
• 7. He was listed in the Guiness Book of Records as being the first human to survive a complete brain transplant.
• 6. All the neighborhood dogs would howl when he came to visit. It was suspected it had something to do with the plastic dog whistle he swallowed when he was 10.
• 5. His DNA sample came back negative for human genes.
• 4. His true life story was chronicled in the movie "Muppets in Space"
• 3. At his death twelve women came to the funeral claiming to be his wife.
• 2. At his death it was discovered that he WAS a woman. And the number one reason your Mother never told you about Uncle Gonzo:
• 1. After the funeral he revived and is currently working in Council Bluffs, Iowa as an Elvis impersonator.